Goblin Battle Clown (Rogue Archetype)

Requirements:

  • Race: Goblin (or goblinoid1)
  • Alignment: Non-good2

1: Non-goblins call this archetype (race name) battle clown. So a bugbear would be a “Bugbear Battle Clown”.
2: Good aligned goblin battle clowns lose access to all class features unique to the goblin battle clown archetype but do not lose rogue class features or weapon and armor proficiencies.

Terror Attack (Ex): A goblin battle clown can only deliver his sneak attack against targets who have been demoralized (such as via Intimidate) by him within a number of rounds equal to the goblin battle clown’s Charisma modifier. This replaces the normal conditions under which a rogue may perform their sneak attack.

This modifies the rogue’s sneak attack class feature, and counts as the sneak attack class feature for the purpose of feats, talents, and other effects.

Goblin “War Paint” (Ex): At 2nd level, a goblin battle clown may apply thick clown makeup and gain an edge against their opponents. This horrific, but masterfully applied, facepaint turns a normally repulsive goblin into a terror to behold. If the goblin battle clown takes 20 minutes to apply makeup worth 3 sp (per day), he is granted a morale bonus on Intimidate and Perform (comedy) checks against all creatures for 24 hours equal to 1/4th his battle clown level. In addition, while wearing goblin war paint, a goblin battle clown can use his Perform (comedy) check in place of Intimidate checks when attempting to demoralize a creature.

This replaces the rogue’s trapfinding ability.

Goblin “Joke” (Ex):
“What does a burning dog sound like?”
“I… don’t know.”
“You’re about to find out! I set your puppy on fire! Come here, boy!”

At 4th level, any time the goblin battle clown successfully deals damage with a terror attack he provides a bonus to his allies until the start of the goblin battle clown’s next turn. All non-good aligned creatures who are within earshot are consumed with wicked mirth and gain a morale bonus on attack and damage rolls equal to 1/4th his goblin battle clown level. If he wishes to benefit from this, the goblin battle clown’s player must tell a twisted joke.

This replaces the rogue’s 4th level rogue talent.

Punchline (Ex): At 6th level, when a goblin battle clown confirms a critical hit with a terror attack or reduces an enemy to 0 hp (or below), a goblin battle clown can make a free Intimidate or Perform (comedy) check to demoralize all enemy non-evil creatures within 30 feet.

This replaces the rogue’s 6th level rogue talent.


The Goblin “Joke” Book

“Guess where my knife is!”
“Shut up!”
“Wrong! In your pancreas!”


“What is red and sloppy and… and… and is dying?!”
“Let me guess…”
“YOU!”


“Guess what I smell like!”
“Oh GOD what is that awful-”
“Wrong! FECES AND CORN!”


“What’s worse than a spear in your gut?”
“I couldn’t imagine! AHHHHH!”
“TWO!”


“Wanna hear a funny joke?”
“Not particularly.”
“I stabbed you in the hand! Ha-Ha!”


“What sounds like a horse but screams like a girl?”
“Lord help me… I don’t know…”
“A girl riding a horse on fire!”
“Why is it always fire with you goblins!”


“What has two eyeballs in the morning, and one eyeball after I stab the other?!”
“Me?”
“No, A two headed cyclops! HAHAHAHA!”


“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Stabbin’.”
“Stabbin’ wh- oh gods no”
“STABBIN’ YOU! HAHAHAHAHA!”

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